FILE: title08.mkv
text: ATTACK OF THE 5'10" WOMAN to play this episode, insert disc one
spoken: I couldn't help but wonder -- I hate my thighs. -- are there women in New York who are just there to make us feel bad about ourselves? Well, it's official; he's married. What's next? Big and Natasha the Movie? What do you feel like? Look who's here. Loser on the rocks. These bitches need to be put in their places. I thought you didn't have a complex about how you look to other women. It's not a complex, it's a Natasha-specific obsession. Who is this and what is she doing in my bedroom? At least you have a boyfriend. That doesn't mean I'm getting married. It means I'm getting laid. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title09.mkv
text: BOY, GIRL, BOY, GIRL... to play this episode, insert disc one
spoken: If we could take the best of the other sex and make it our own -- Whoops! It's a girl. It's OK. -- has the opposite sex become obsolete? Seriously, that's a woman? I'm attracted to her; maybe I'm a lesbian. Okay mister, who're you checking out? The guy or the girl? Carrie I was looking for the bathroom. He's a bisexual. It's greedy; he's double dipping. I'm a "trisexual"; I'll try anything once. So Grace once dated Brett, and Brett used to like Joel. And you slept with Don. Before she was with Mark. Naturally. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title10.mkv
text: NO IFS, ANDS OR BUTTS to play this episode, insert disc one
spoken: In relationships -- Ewww! -- what are the deal breakers? He raped my face. Dump him. A bad kisser is a non-negotiable. I can't be with a smoker. Really? You're choosing cigarettes over a cute guy? He's not that cute. Can I take you out to dinner some time? Maybe I could quite. Carrie? His tongue actually licked my teeth. Ew! Hey guys. I'm Samantha. You're white. Get out now before anybody gets hurt. She can't diss me just because I'm white! You're a bad kisser. That's my thing. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title11.mkv
text: ARE WE SLUTS? to play this episode, insert disc one
spoken: I couldn't help but wonder: how many men is too many men? You whore! Are we sluts? This is bad. Nobody wants to marry a whore. Please, if you're a whore what does that make me? I had to make a list of all the guys I've slept with; it's not short. So why don't you want to sleep with me? Gay. Mother issues. Every time I'm in this elevator you're with a different man. Oh! That's ridiculous. Ha ha! <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more? Now what? "Now what" what? We're just taking a lil' bath.
FILE: title12.mkv
text: DRAMA QUEENS to play this episode, insert disc two
spoken: Do we need drama to make a relationship work? [Odd screaming]. I wondered. What the hell is wrong with you that you're not married? Can't you just relax and go with the flow? If he seems too good to be true, he probably is. I don't believe this, now we're dumping guys for being too available. We whine when we don't have a boyfriend, and we whine when we do. This is the year I'm getting married. Wonderful! Who's the lucky guy? Are you Phil? Are you Phil? I could be. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title13.mkv
text: THE BIG TIME to play this episode, insert disc two
spoken: Why is it when you have a new love -- Do you want to have a sleep over? Um-hm. -- you keep running into the old one? Hello. Oh, hey. Is timing everything? So where's Natasha? Well she missed the boat. If you don't have sex for a year you can actually become re-virginized. Who wants their virginity back? It was bad enough the first time. Did I tell you that I have an [?] hit? No. We should have a baby. Yeah! Right! Seeing anyone, or? <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title14.mkv
text: EASY COME, EASY GO to play this episode, insert disc two
spoken: I have a secret to tell you. -- In relationships -- I'm getting out. -- is it smarter to follow your heart -- No one is interested in that information. -- or your head? Big's leaving his wife. Oh my god! No! What are you gonna do? I'm not gonna do anything. She's not gonna do anything. I'm not insane. I have to talk to you. He wants to get back together right? Trey is this close to proposing. Really? You just met. I've had pairs of pantyhose longer. Charlotte. Yes? Tomato and basil? Yes. I miss you. Too bad. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title15.mkv
text: ALL OR NOTHING to play this episode, insert disc two
spoken: I love you Carrie. I couldn't help but wonder: can women really have it all? Let's just say it: we have it all! What's this? Prenuptial agreements. I'm only worth five hundred thousand dollars? Well maybe that's your wholesale price. Your having an affair? That is not happening again. We have to learn to rise above the physical stuff. You can learn to do that? Was he good? It was great. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more? You see us Manhattan!? We have it all!
FILE: title16.mkv
text: RUNNING WITH SCISSORS to play this episode, insert disc two
spoken: Have you all had an AIDS test? Good morning. Is sex ever safe? You're married. How many sexual partners have you had? This year? Carrie: in or out? I'm smoking, and I'm sleeping with Big. Gimmie one. Do you have oral sex? Yes. Give? Receive? Yes. Yes. I think the white is too white. No, but with your skin tone- Hates it! Does he only want me now because he can't have me? Yes. How do you really feel? We've got to stop meeting like this. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title17.mkv
text: DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL to play this episode, insert disc two
spoken: I can't believe you're getting married. Are you next? Oh yeah, I'm headed for a storybook ending. Babe I need to tell you something. In a relationship, is honesty really the best policy? Carrie you're right; you have to tell him. But not before the wedding; it's supposed to be my week. It's your day. You get a day. By the way they do wear something under those kilts, but it's easy to get off. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more? Carrie: I have to tell you something.
FILE: title18.mkv
text: ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
spoken: I so needed this vacation. You and me both sister. Do you think the studio will send a limo to pick us up? No I do not. I couldn't help but wonder: can you ever really escape your past. Here's an invitation; come. I always do. I have a star interested. Guess who. I'm mister Big. Oh! Ok. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more? My friend went to California and all I got was this lousy dildo.
FILE: title19.mkv
text: SEX AND ANOTHER CITY
spoken: I'm Keith Travers, representing Matt Daemon. I love LA. When it comes to men and cities -- You look amazing. -- is it really what's outside that counts? I got mugged! She took everything I got! It's called a Brazillian wax. I really like what you have going on down there. Maybe it's time we really thought about Viagra. Could you please step off the red carpet. Are we having a problem here? I can't deal with Tray. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more? Could you have more condoms? I did, yes.
FILE: title20.mkv
text: HOT CHILD IN THE CITY
spoken: He lives with his parents? More lemonade Carrie? Yes please Mrs. Adams! Not sexy honey. Are the women of my generation growing into mature responsible adults? -- I'm scooting in heels! -- Or, are we thirty-four going on thirteen? Am I hideous? I'm never dating again. Oh of course you are, and listen if the guy's worth dating he's not gonna care about your braces; he's gonna care about you. But a blowjob's out of the question right? <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
note on "More lemonade Carrie": I finished drinking a glass of pink lemonade when I transcribed that (at about 2021-06-05 22:10:28).
FILE: title21.mkv
text: FRENEMIES
spoken: If you stay single in New York long enough, you're supposed to get wiser about dating. I have had a lot of experience with men. Are you married? Um, no. Are we getting wiser or just older? We've been trying you know to - Fuck? and it's just not - Getting big and hard? What is this? Dirty Mad Libs? I'm going to get him to notice me Carrie; I have to. I think that's a bottom. Oh. Wow! He's cute. Was. They're starting to die on us. This could explain why they don't call back. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title22.mkv
text: WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND
spoken: Okay everyone, the bad news is there are only two more episodes of <i>Sex and the City</i>. No! The good news is you're in for a really big suprise. I'll call you. Maybe after years of dating odd men the universe is throwing me a bone. And if you're lucky a boner as well. I don't know what it is; I'm strangely drawn to him. Of course you are; you know the man can plow. Don't look up. Well I really need to talk to you. Is that big enough for you? Carrie? I'm nodding. Buh-bye. <i>Sex and the City</i>, ready for more?
FILE: title23.mkv
text: COCK A DOODLE DO!
spoken: Okay everyone, the bad news is there's only one more episodes of <i>Sex and the City</i>. Who wants a weiner!? The good news is you're in for a really big suprise. Who is this? It's me. I wish there were no men. Call someone; she's gone insane. This is what I like about New York: street traffic. Well we have to go. Yeah we gotta go. Bye. Bye. Bye. Well I really need to talk to you. Is that big enough for you? Carrie? I'm nodding. Move it along! Don't miss the season finale of <i>Sex and the City</i>... ready for more?